Migraine Can Be Deadly. (Yes, Really.)

On the last day of Mental Health Awareness Month, I'd like to highlight the importance of mental health in conjunction with chronic pain/ illness/migraine.

I can say that having found the migraine community shortly after this young woman's death, I was profoundly and deeply affected by Melissa's story.
Having progressed to daily chronic myself a relatively short time before, I was struggling to deal with the pain, the stigma, and still searching for answers that at the time didn't exist or weren't widely known.

I approached the 3 year mark of my daily chronic migraine existence with trepidation because of Melissa's story, wondering what might be the day I gave up hope...and although I passed it with some relief that I hadn't harmed myself, I WAS haunted by the "It could have been me" thoughts, as I did have frequent thoughts of suicide and even a plan on a few occasions.

I'm glad to say I got help for the crushing depression I felt then; although it's by no means a cure, it does help me cope exponentially better.

Many of us are still lost there, though.

During a livestream Q&A I did on Chronic Illness on The Mighty, I touched on the story of Melissa's loss and how it affected me although I'd never had the chance to know her, and included her in my reasons that I feel so strongly about stressing the importance and relation to mental health and chronic pain/illness.

She still is a large reason that I do this.
My others are the my own experiences, my family, and the countless others who are in the trenches fighting this battle at any given time.

Yes, migraine can kill. It kills through depression, though loss of hope, and through suicide.
Yet it still isn't seen as the monstrous disease that it is.

I want to help change that. For Melissa and for every one of us.

- Selena

"The migraine community is deeply shaken by this young woman’s suicide. Those who knew her are crushed by the loss of a vibrant, warm-hearted, loving person who was only 22. And I believe that those who didn’t are haunted by the niggling thought, “It could have been me.” Even the chronic migraineurs who haven’t seriously considered suicide know the feeling of not wanting to live like this anymore. It is not that we want to die, but that the daily struggle of chronic migraine feels like it is too much to bear and the light at the end of the tunnel often seems nonexistent."
(Quote from The Daily Headache)

Photo from BrainWreck Rebels Melissa Dryer Foundation

Confessions of a Chronic Daily Migraineur

Confessions of a Chronic Daily Migraineur: Sometimes I Suck as a Person.

 What kind of a jerk would say this?
Or think it?
Me, occasionally, right before mentally giving myself a swift kick for thinking it.   

Being chronically ill doesn't necessarily make us kinder or more understanding of others, but it can if we let ourselves take that lesson from it.

For that to take root, it has to be cultivated. And cultivated. And cultivated.

How does one cultivate compassion? By first being honest with ourselves....even when it's not pretty. 

1. I sometimes get jealous of my friends. 
Healthy ones because they're healthy, and ones who aren't healthy that have pain free days because they have pain free days.

2. I feel immediate guilt for thinking they are somehow luckier than me, because logically and emotionally I know better than that.

3. I give myself a mental kick in the butt for such a knee-jerk stupid feeling, because one of the main reasons I advocate for awareness is that I hope it may help others from ending up like me.

4. I try my hardest to never show my friends when I feel this way, but I'm often worried I'll fail at it.

5. This is a hard thing to admit and I feel like a jerk.

6. This doesn't mean I'm not happy for them when they share good news or have a good life, and definitely not that I want them to stop sharing either good or bad things with me. I still want to them to not feel guilty about confiding in me.

7. I think many who are chronically ill can relate. And that they hate to be able to relate.

8. I think a lot of us are afraid to admit the less pretty side of what being constantly physically miserable can make us feel.

9. I think we're afraid of being seen in a negative light, especially since we feel the sting of stigma already.

10. Being honest is important, especially to ourselves.

What do we do with this kind of honesty and self discovery?

We work to counter it.

Sometimes we fail, sometimes we succeed.  And whichever it is today, we give ourselves the compassion and the room to be human and fallible.

And then we pass that same compassion and understanding along to others.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! 

Wishing all a Mother's Day filled with love.

- Selena