Friday, December 30, 2016

A Beautiful Life

My belief. My story.

I've lived through emotional and physical abuse.
I've lived through rape.
I've lived through depression and self-harm.
I'm living with chronic illness--chronic migraine, depression, and anxiety.

You can let it break you down, or you can keep going. I used to say you can overcome it, but I've since learned (thanks, chronic illness) that some things can't be overcome. They CAN be gotten through, lived with, and we can live in SPITE of them, though.

Some days are harder than others, no matter what you're going through. Some days I'm a quitter. Some days I give up. But there's always a new day and a new chance to reach inside yourself for that spark that keeps you going.

"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters."
Epictetus

I've found this to be true, whether it's what has been done to you or just what life throws at you.  Bad things happen. Horrible, unjustified things happen. Things or people scar you and wound you. You can't always control what happens to you. But you can control what you DO with what happens to you.

You can chose to let it make you do bad things, to give up on life, to be frightened of life, and/or be bitter.
Or you can chose to let it make you compassionate to others going through it, a fighter, and/or a victor.

Don't get me wrong. I've chosen the first set of options before. I've hurt people and done things I knew were wrong. I've lived in fear of getting close to others and in fear of betrayal. I've lived in fear of myself, and with anger of epic proportion. I've lived without caring if anyone cared for me or about what I did.

I've learned that it hurts you more than anyone else to live that way. It keeps you tied to those hurts and those who hurt you. It gives them the power to keep controlling you and your choices.
Plain and simply, what it is IS giving up control and responsibility of your own life.

It's why I eventually came to choose the latter options.

It's not easy, but it IS worth it. It can become beautiful.